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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many challenges, which I admire. But, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her previous job turned on her, even though she was highly competent, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She's been planning a trip abroad I know well on several occasions and lived in for a while. I tried to provide insights, however, my input not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her choices. I recently returned from a month in that country she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly understand the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Next is to express the way it makes you feel. There should be no argument about this. Emotions are valid, naturally. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the interaction between you."

Remember your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version of their life they won't abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might start out this way before reflecting your perspective. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides satisfaction from having been truthful.